hels random thoughts

long time

2008-12-02T15:06:34Z

shit i have not been on here in forever and a day...and now i am not familiar with its differences...well i really want to go on and on about my pops, but i wont...cos i am better today and its a day by day thing, i suppose...ugh and foo...gynormous ugh and foo...well thats about it..fascinating life i lead...but i go back to work tomorrow, unless i call in for they are giving me as much time needed...but i think i will be ok...plus working keeps your head busy..not like being at my mothers hearing stuff that i really would rather not...but the clusterfuk of my life will come to a prettier path, i just know it...i have to have some sort of faith...
freaky thing that i need to document somewhere...i have told k and whatever...it has been over a year since i have had one of those horrid paralyzing dreams..i believe since my seizure, i dont recall having the dream that day, but chuck said before my seizure it sounded like i was in one of those dreams...anyhow, its been forever...so chuck and i get back from miami and i am like totally exhausted having to work in 5 hours....so i pass out to have one of those beautiful dreams...ugh but i turn around and where chuck normally lies is my grandma sitting up and telling me quiet and tranquil...well that is how it translated...and she had gained a bit of weight which i thought was amusing cos she was always skinny and ranked on my not so skinniness...and she was wearing a green sweat shirt...so unlike her cos she always felt the need to dress up...i have no doubt that my hallucination/dream happened somewhere...in my head or on another level, i dunno...but not only did my horrid dream stop i think she was trying to tell me my dad would be ok up there...
and then the freakiest of the freaky...on sunday my dad was pretty doped up and his wife and i spoke all day...but being he was unconscious i didnt get to talk to him...so when christian got there he asked me if i wanted to talk to him and he would hold the phone for him to his ear...
so i said let me call you back...i called back at 848pm so i told him i loved him and i didnt know what to say but we would miss him but it was ok...and i loved him...so then chris tells me he would call if anything...10 minutes later he did call to tell me my pops had died...i think him seeing me last week made him happy..and in my world, i think he waited for me to call...so he could go...i miss him dearly...writing these words my heart hurts, but maybe he will come visit one day...i mean my grandma has only come twice in all these years, once when mai was like 5 months old...so there i have documented it for future reference...

sunday sunday

2008-10-12T20:10:04Z

well hello...hel is here...doing laundry at my mom' house cos i want to get it all done before the week begins again...this week is full of lots to do still...helping my inlaws with the last of their move...they moved most of the stuff into the house, cept for bits and pieces, that chuck and i have called on for mai's room...she wont have to sleep on a queen sized mattress on the floor anymore...yay...although not much else ever fit in her room after that..but with a smaller bed she will just have to create forts of stuffed animals, as opposed to sleeping in one lil corner of the bed...as to not disturb the animals...
so now i sit here and try and play a bit of catch up on my pages to say hey to all that i have neglected month after month...
have a great week!
late-hel

moving

2008-10-09T19:21:36Z

well i am not moving..my inlaws are...boy oh boy i have done some work...but i start a job tomorrow...kinda stoked but kinda feeling agorophobic...we will see what happens..not much else to write...i have to go pick up mai cos she is complaining about her gashed toe...for her to leave chorus practice, i suppose it really hurts...thank god for lidocaine...they gave me some when my throat closed up...i am sure you all wanted to know that...if anyone actually reads my tippity tapping away about nothing..
late
hel

too long

2008-08-17T19:50:15Z

yes, i must be the first to admit that i have not posted in forever and a day...but i have never been known to be the best person to keep up with these things...
i have just had a lot on my plate recently..my pops is quite ill again and not being able to just go see him has me in a bad place...
also i have stepped away from my position at ferrell cos just cos i was born latino does not mean you can treat me like the latinos in maintenance...
translated into---they overworked me..i think it was cos the lady i worked for was scared i was going to take her job...i didnt want her job...but none the less, everything happens for a reason..
i know that in this clusterfuk will come some clarity...
but i wanted to update...
late-hel

how lame can hel be

2008-05-02T12:33:53Z

well i dont feel like writing a whole new one, so i copied this from myspace page...
saw stp on jimmy kimmel, made me quite a happy camper...i really do not care how he looked or sounded, just the fact that they are together again...yay! thats about as happy as i will get for today...

heres a song for you--circa 1994...but still true in 2008

i'm losing ground
you know how this world can beat you down
i'm made of clay
i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way

i'm always falling down the same hill
bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall i'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface i can still make out your wavy face
and if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place

i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel

i stay inside my bed
i have lived so many lives all in my head
don't tell me that you care
there really isn't anything, is there?

you would know, wouldn't you?
you extend your hand to those who suffer
to those who know what it really feels like
to those who've had a taste
like that means something
and oh so sick i am
and maybe i don't have a choice
and maybe that is all i have
and maybe this is a cry for help

i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel

i want to know everything
i want to be everywhere
i want to fuck everyone in the world
i want to do something that matters

done...have a good weekend..
late-hel

hel_england @ 2008-03-28T14:47:00

2008-03-28T18:56:09Z

ok so it has been an eternity...i guess im sorry..
a whole lot has gone on...first i started working in late dec/early jan for a leasing office..my official title is leasing consultant..but i feel like a superhero with an alterego...a very tattooed one named hel..
what else??? just moved into a house with mai and chuck and it is cute and i love it...but i will never move again..you will have to literally evict me with popos and all...
and knowing the way judgements for possession go now, i will live here forever...believe it or not, small claims court seems to dig tenants more...but tenants that dont pay well that is a different story...
what else??? just working then working when i get home and thats about that..trying to figure out the best time to stop in and say hey to my dear friends at tre...maybe when i go to ac moore this upcoming weekend..but i am too excited about a megathrift that is opening...it used to be a supermarket but now it is a thrift store...
that is big..
not as big as the warehouse in high point that chuck and i frequent often...but at least we dont have to drive to high point for thrifty fashions...yes hel wearing skirts and nice professional clothing is quite strange, but i have gotten sooo accustomed i wear skirts now on the weekends too...omg the apocalypse...but of course on weekends no tights are necessary and short sleeves are just dandy...
my alter ego is happy on weekends...
what else??? its friday, payday and i have officially been here 3 months tomorrow...yay me...probationary period over...
:)
i must run, i am on lunch and i have way too much to do right now so i am not a dilbert cartoon with all that crap on my desk for monday...and we all know about mondays...
yes i suffer from a case of the mondays weekly...
i keep asking my doctor for a pill for it, but they say they dont have one...i know of one-valium, or xanax in bar form thats 2 whole miligrams of zanie fun...i have not seen one of those in forever...i mean like miami forever...wow...
ok enough...but wait, i must say i love streaming audio stations....i listen to it at work but listening to seattle station or l.a. stations just rocks man...for realz...
much love to all who decided to take a peek into my world...xoxox-hel

hel_england @ 2007-04-29T12:55:00

2007-04-29T16:57:30Z

hey guys last night i did a blog on the tre page...you may want to check it out...and for now i think i will insert an image of gregory isaacs...

i will also go onto my personal myspace page and add what i recorded of night nurse...enjoy!!
have a great sunday...
late-hel

hasppy hump day

2007-04-18T14:23:10Z

ok so last night i watched donnie darko for the trillionth time, and i still can not get over it...soooo very well done...
anyhow tonight is lost...that makes hel happy...
what else???
chuck has been stellar with mai and has been a workhorse...well not literally working at a job, but cleaning up the garage, and the shed yesterday...getting all his tools in order...said something about wanting to fix vehicles...
fabulous...
anything that makes him content, so he is not ill at me...
as well as anything that makes money is also a plus...
what to say what to say...
mai is getting much better...no fever, no nothing...just a scratchy throat...
and tomorrow she can go back to school...yay mai!!!
well i am here at work and not all that much interesting going on here...just super awaiting for the gregory isaacs show...i sooo have to tell jay that i NEED to meet the man...super cool...super duper cool...
well i wont be as drastic as my dear friend paco and delete myspace but i think i will lean towards livejournal a smidge more...
yay hel...right??? you best be cheering...
thanks for reading and have a great day!!!

ugh on monday

2007-02-12T15:28:18Z

well i am here at work...listening to silverchair..some guy just harassed me asking where was i from??? here...dammit..if you ask i will not tell you...well i finally broke down...i blame juli and adam...cos he came in here yesterday and bought we he thought was a kid movie cos it had the word magic in it...not so the case..its like anime porn...lol...but i blame in jest...i hold no ill will..the customer is in the wrong...well i am having a weird day in my head again so i dunno if i want to continue writting..i spent all weekend locked up in my room, taking pain killers to try and kill out this pain in my back...lots of pills and heating devices...they helped a bit...my mother in law bought me the book running with scissors..its kinda out there...but a good read...anyhow, as for my head, it started yesterday with those flashes in my head, and the gooseflesh when i try to focus on what the hell it is...foo...it is very annoying and scary...yes, i know blame the meds...but it is nothing new...so it is very frustrating...i guess i will let you go now...have a great day!! late-hel

back to the grind

2007-02-05T20:50:25Z

well i totally forgot to post this and its hella scary...that was a cemetary in st augustine...there were no trucks or cars around...what the hell is that red floating cloud in the tree??? ok thats about it...im back and also back to work...kinda hard being gone a week, im all clusterfukd...well since i am at work and have peepers around i must end it here...late-hel

last day in miami

2007-02-03T01:07:28Z

just to warn you those are definitely not my feet today...for our last day...chuck, cerber and i went to south beach...i had no clue until a couple days ago that the superbowl was this sunday and it will be here...so imagine chaos...imagine collins road shut off to cars...well to those who do not know, collins is a1a, parallel to the beach...if you saw my feet today you would cry from the blisters...lemme see what pics i can add...hmm...

ok so there are some clouds here...what else to show you...

ok that should be enough to tie you over...for a day or two...last night i went to aly's and we had fun and watch part of fear and loathing...goodness i would have not minded peaking...but alas, those were days that are long gone...anyhow, i have to eat and go say my goodbyes to cerber and aly tonight...i love coming here but i loathe leaving...much love...til later-hel

mai's bday

2007-02-01T02:52:43Z

well above you may or may not see the cross i dig in st augustine...its gynormous...lemme see...today has been busy...went to the mall with my pops...he bought me a watch...sweet...what else??? i sit here while chuck, chris, diana, and k.e. are downstairs...mai sits next to me while she does her journal...so what else??? i hope the pics show up here...we will have to see...late-hel

hel is here in miami

2007-01-30T03:14:09Z

well i started out by staying in st augustine...i posted a pic of some tree that had a red cloud with no red lights to be found....oooh eerie...then stayed the night there...followed by a morning at the cemetary which has the senora de la leche y buen parto, which means the lady of the milk and good birth...my grandma used to love it there, so i do get emotional...then we drove to ft lauderdale to drop off my aunt at her son in laws house...then here to miami...chilled...went to cerbers...chilled...then yesterday there was a whole family get together to present katherine elizabeth to everyone...she loves her auntie...and my nephew, oh my word he is a lil man...too cute...and mai is having a great time cos her cousin caprice has been around too...chuck and i have been getting along great except for when we are in the car too long...cabin fever crap...well i just came online to post a couple pics for now...have a great day!!! off to cerbers now, will be seeing aly thursday...oh foo i forgot chuck, mai, lil chris, and i went to the beach for a while this afternoon...it was fukn freezing but we HAD to see the ocean...but it seems that wed and thurs and fri are going to be my beach days...well i will try and keep up more...but we will see...later-hel

headed south

2007-01-26T03:48:06Z

well i am ever soooo excited that i am leaving for florida tomorrow...i really should be resting...to excited to, though...tomorrow we are going to st. augustine, chill the day and spend the night...cos my brother wont be home until saturday with the little one...the new lil one too...so then off to miami saturday...im psyched, but of course i had my flip out cos there was tooo much tooo soon...thank goodness for the lists i made last night...well since jon you are probably the only cat reading this, i hope all is going well and things get better...keep in mind, it can only get better...believe me i hope everything works out, and you get unsick real soon...ill keep this live journal gig going on in miami so i have it for me, as well as for you and hopefully some others too...take care...later dayz-hel

make the cold go away

2007-01-25T19:27:45Z

well it is too cold and i dont like it...nothing helps..seriously...anyhow, i am leaving for a quick trip to miami in a couple days and i am more than elated...hot hot heat...the beach...yeah there is a new baby in the family which is quite exciting, but did i mention hot weather?? the beach...well this is my first posting but definitely not my last...i must mention SEE THE DEPARTED...post haste...ok late-hel